The Right Way to Cope With Failure

So, you f*cked up at work. Like, actually unhealthy. Maybe you tanked an vital job interview, or by accident despatched a NSFW electronic mail that was meant in your work BFF to the entire firm. Maybe your enterprise failed, otherwise you obtained fired. Whatever the failure is, our first intuition is to crawl right into a gap of self pity and solely return to the true world after we’ve crushed ourselves up sufficient occasions. Not solely does this technique make you’re feeling even shittier, it doesn’t stop you from making the identical failure once more sooner or later. There has to be a greater manner to cope, proper?

This week on Girlboss.com, we’re wanting failure within the eye and making a vow to Fail Fearlessly this 12 months—and past. Because all the time succeeding is like… actually boring.

Failure exists on a spectrum. Some failures are usually understood by society as inappropriate or unacceptable. Things like sleeping along with your pal’s companion. Or dishonest on a check. But most failures are extra nuanced and fewer catastrophic—it’s our personal notion of mentioned failure that always will get blown out of proportion. Perfectionists will know this one all too nicely. When we body failure as the whole lot besides perfection, that’s when issues get further tough. Then, it doesn’t matter what, your actions won’t ever be adequate. And that’s exhausting.

If you had a current f*ck up in your work life, and don’t know whether or not it’s a full-blown disaster, nbd or someplace in between, we requested Dr. Jenny Wang, a licensed psychologist, speaker and creator of Permission to Come Home: Reclaiming Mental Health as Asian Americans, to assist us craft some questions to ask your self earlier than you go into panic mode. Think of this as your official failure coping information to come again to when life kicks you within the ass… once more.

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Time and area

You’re nonetheless reeling from a current failure. Emotions are excessive, you’re stuffed with remorse and all you need to do is return in time and alter what occurred. These questions will allow you to begin to perceive why you failed.

Will this failure matter in a 12 months from now? Five years from now? Ten years from now?

Will this failure hinder my long-term objectives?

Was this failure in my management? Was all of it my duty?

People and expertise

Now, it’s time to look outdoors of your self and see who—and what—performed an element on this failure. These questions will allow you to shift your perspective.

Was the rationale I failed as a result of I didn’t understand how to do one thing? Was I missing expertise?

Did this failure have an effect on anybody else? If so, who? How does it have an effect on them?

Who was there for me after I failed? Who was not? Was the dearth of help the rationale I failed?

If it was my pal who failed and never me, would I see the failure in the identical manner

Looking forward

You’ve spent your time reflecting and replaying your failure again and again—and now it’s time to forgive your self. These questions will allow you to transfer on.

What did I study from this failure?

Did something good come out of this failure?

Is there something I can do to repair this failure?

What do I would like to get by this failure?

When the time comes, what can I do to transfer on from this failure?

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How can I widen my understanding of “a failure” and “a success,” so it isn’t only one or the opposite?

We hope these prompts helped to shift your perspective in your failure. Let us guess: It most likely wasn’t as huge of a deal as you initially thought, proper? If you need to proceed to enhance your relationship with failure (and hey, possibly study to not be afraid of it), try the remainder of our Fail Fearlessly bundle here.

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